My recent online experiences and observations lead me to believe that the big problem in today’s internet dating is that both men and women enter a dating site as if it’s a battle field—expecting an enemy to show up—and both seem shielded, armed, and ready to defend themselves. Take it out of the dating site as soon as possible (and when you feel it is safe), and agree to meet him before you get too deep into correspondence that may easily lead to fantasies. By living in a time of no defined roles, no clear rules, and no firm boundaries, we seem to be afraid of each other and automatically expect to get hurt. But in today’s dating, this seems difficult to do—because navigating online waters often feels emotionally dangerous for most of us. Inspire him to be his best self and It’s possible that he’ll want to spend the rest of his life loving you.
Love and intimacy require showing up without armor. Based on my latest interactions with men in search of a partner, and what I’ve learned in 15 years of researching and decoding men’s behavior, I’m offering some insights geared toward women, that can help us understand men better and approach dating differently. Yes, it is high on his list (and perhaps on yours too), but most men want more. Like you, he wants to be valued, respected, and loved.
As I read through the profiles of the hundreds of men who approached me, I began to notice common themes. As I kept reading, I noticed that underneath the seemingly surface requirements, deeper stuff was waiting to be seen.
Some had written extensive descriptions for the ladies, telling them what not to do. I know it can be really frustrating to be out there—looking for love. Choose a man who is willing to give to you—his attention, his presence, his affection, his understanding, his time, his words, his heart.
If you want to find that man, you’re going to have to get out there and look for him!
Don’t expect too much right away, but put yourself in a position to meet people and get to know them. Expect to Fall Short a Few Times When you’re out there meeting guys and getting to know them, chances are you will meet a few that aren’t right for you. All single women should understand that this isn’t failure – its one step closer to Mr. Don’t expect to find your soul mate on the first night – it will most likely take some time.
Choose to look for what’s good about him, and not what’s not enough for you. Choose how you want to feel rather than how you look with him next to you. When you start by letting him choose the places and dates, you learn more about who he is.