“Many times women will psychoanalyze every detail about a man, and many times make inaccurate assumptions about who that person is and their level of interest in them,” says Nelson.
But if what you’re looking for is an actual relationship that might lead to something like a lifetime (or at least long-term) partnership, you’d be wise to arm yourself with ways to help you sift through all the dudes you meet, date, and sleep with, and focus on the ones with real relationship potential. I’m not saying you should go all and start playing hard to get, but you can save yourself a ton of time and energy that might otherwise be spent seeing emotionally unavailable, immature, incompatible, or game-playing men by using a few smart tactics.
But really, what do your friends know better or more about this situation or relationship than you? You were there when he kissed you goodbye after the date or sleepover.
If you’re feeling insecure and unsure whether a man you’re into returns your feelings, realize that obsessing about it isn’t helping the situation; it’s just making you paranoid and full of self-doubt—shitty feelings, indeed!
“If someone is into you, you don’t have to convince them of your worthiness, or make them see how much of a gem you are,” says Nelson.
“Trust yourself and your gut: If you let go of the insecurities and mental chatter, you’ll know what to do and who is right for you.” If you’ve given it a fair shot, and a decent amount of time to find out who they are, give yourself a little tough love and delete that person from your life.
“If they’re trying to see what your interests are, what matters to you, and ask about your friends and family, it’s worth seeing where it goes.”When you’re feeling a connection, of course you want to spend tons of time together, but make sure to pace yourself. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being open about what you’re looking for in a potential match, and communicating that up front, but don’t be too aggressive.” Not only can that kind of behavior scare someone off—it’s just not how you, as an independent and confident woman, need to live.